Sunday, November 21, 2004

It's been a while...

Man, the past couple of months have been so busy. First, Brett started back to school, which meant that we basically started a cycle of not seeing each other very often, as his classes are at night. It's going ok now; we've gotten into a routine by this point. It was hard at first but now I'm used to being home alone in the evenings. The semester's almost over -- only 2 more weeks. Next semester, he'll have class during the day, so we'll be back on the same schedule. Yahoo!

We went to Acadia National Park again at the end of September. Such a beautiful place! I wish I had photos to post -- they are still on the camera. (Our computer is so old we can't download them so we have to go to a friend's house in order to do so). I love camping at Acadia. I think that Acadia and Peaks Island are my two favorite places in Maine.

October might as well have been called the Month-of-endless-visits. Dad, Sandy, and Jason came for the long Columbus day weekend. We had a great time! Dad and Jason and I biked around Peaks one day, which is so much fun. It was one of the last warm fall days, and biking was a great way to spend it! I was going to try to add a photo but our computer is dumb and won't let me. ARGH.

Anyway, after they left, Bree came the next day. We hung out for about 5 days, and even made a trip to Boston, then she left and we had a 4 day break, after which Brett's parents, Jeff & Priscilla, came for a week. We went to Boston twice with them, too.

It was a good visit, I think. I felt really bad; I was such a grump while they were here. I hope they don't think that's how I act all the time, or that I don't like them or something. I don't know what my problem was. I do love them, but it's always stressful for me to be around them for a long time. I don't know why. It's so odd, but I guess the adage about having the in-laws visit being stressful is true.

Maybe it's that I feel like in their presence Brett becomes aligned more closely with them and less closely with me; like it's not the two of us and then his parents, it's like it's his parents and Brett and then I'm separate. And that's probably natural, to some extent. I mean, they are his parents and he's known them a lot longer than he's known me. It's just one of those things that marriage entails; learning to love your in-laws as your in-laws and not just as your boyfriend's parents. And I really do love them, like I said. I suppose the stressful feelings were compounded by the fact that we'd already had almost 2 and a half weeks straight of visitors. Yikes! Not again! It's just too much. I need to be fresh when I am around Brett's parents, so I'm nice and not the snappy person I was when they were here.

Wow. That was sort of heartfelt. I hope that makes sense and isn't offensive or anything. It's just such a touchy issue in general (the in-laws, I mean) and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt if they stumble upon this blog. I don't want this blog to be something I censor all the time, but I feel like I almost have to do that. It's a matter of reminding myself that no matter how invisible I feel when I write this, people may in fact read my blog. Only, like, three people know it exists -- Brett, Melissa, and my friend Joel. And Melissa doesn't even have Internet access right now. So the chances of anyone reading this are slim...But I guess you never know.

Ok. Moving on.

After Brett's parents left, we settled back into our lives. It's been nice, these past three weeks or so. We've had some time to ourselves, which is wonderful, and we've been able to socialize with our friends again, which has been fun too. Now we're getting ready for my mom to come for her visit day after tomorrow. YAY! I am so excited!!! I didn't get to see my mom very much while we were home; only for a total of a few hours, really. It was disappointing, but that's how it goes. I really appreciate the way that she was so understanding about our obligations to see everyone, which meant we couldn't spend as much time together as she and I both would have liked. But it means a lot that she didn't pressure and was just really happy to have the time she had. And now we get to spend a whole week together, just hanging out! YAHOO!

Her birthday is on Thanksgiving, which she'll be here for. I have a card for her, but no present. I'm not sure what to get her. Maybe I'll have her go to the yarn store with me and pick out some wool for a hat or scarf. That would be fun! Then I'd get to knit but give it to my mom, too! Double duty! :) We don't have much planned for her visit, and I'm glad of that. We'll just hang out and have fun.

I wonder if it's as stressful for Brett when my mom is here as it is for me when his parents are here? I have no idea. I would imagine not, though -- men process things so differently than women do, so more than likely it's not even an issue for him. It's not like he'd talk about it with me, though, even if it were. (He's not the talk-about-feelings type, so much).

So Brett's all obsessed lately with building a "badass moped that goes really fast." Those are his words, not mine. It is practically all he talks about. Sometimes I get really annoyed and want him to quit talking about it! I mean, if I went on and on like that about things that I'm interested in, I would see his eyes glazing over after about the third time I mentioned something. (I've learned now only to mention something once or twice before dropping it.)

Oh well. I mean, I see where he's excited. It's creating something really cool and different from found materials, and thinking of creative ways to do it. I admire that. I wish I could do that, too , but the reality is that we only have the time and money for one all-consuming project around here -- and that's the Night Rider moped now. (Yes, it has a name. Yes, it will be all black, with chrome accents. Yes, it will be pretty cool when it's all said and done.)

In other news, Daisy is getting married in 13 days! I can hardly believe it. I am so very excited to be a part of her wedding. She's one of my very best friends, and I am honored to be able to participate as a bridesmaid. (I've never been a bridesmaid before!) I fly out a week from Wednesday, the day after my mom leaves. Then, I'll be in Seattle from Wednesday through Sunday. The wedding is on Saturday, and my mom and Melissa are coming up for that. I'm SO EXCITED to see Melissa! What a treat. Then on Sunday, I get to go to Mars Hill. Yippee! It will be so wonderful to be there. Oh, how I wish we could go there every Sunday! I miss it so much. Well, only 17 months and we'll be heading home.

I should wrap this up. I have some emails to write and some cleaning up to do in the kitchen and some laundry to rotate into the dryer.

I have got to be better about updating this...but I feel like every time I say that, it's like I'm making a New Year's resolution that will almost certainly be broken. Ha!

One way I would be better at keeping up with this is if I knew people would be reading it. Maybe that's the key -- just tell everyone about it so I feel obligated. There we go...a solution! Although, how self-aggrandizing would it be to send out an email that said something like: Please read my weblog and learn all about me! Yeah, just a little. ;)

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

feeling conflicted -- work politics suck

So, I asked for 2 personal days off today, to take in October. I have the time accrued; that's not a problem. My boss, though, was upset. I mean, I know I took vacation in August...I don't know; maybe I just shouldn't have asked. Because of her reaction, I just want to email her first thing in the morning and say, "You know, never mind. It's obviously a problem and I didn't think it through before I asked, so just disregard."

Sigh. Now I know I'll feel guilty if I end up taking the days. ARGH. If I'm ever a manager, I'm so not going to act like she does. It's like she doesn't like where her life has ended up so she takes it out on everyone around her, especially people like me, who are in a position below her and who have more education than she does. I mean, maybe the fact that I have a college degree and she doesn't is threatening to her in some way. (Is that just way too concieted to think? I mean, that she'd be intimidated by me? Maybe so but that's what crossed my mind.) At any rate, there is no need for her to be so snarky with me or anyone. I just keep telling myself that at least I don't work with her every day.

I'm going down to Boston AGAIN tomorrow, for the 4th time in 3 weeks. It's for Princeton Properties' annual employee party - it's a cruise on Boston Harbor. Should be fun -- free dinner, dancing, a cruise. Except it's supposed to rain, which is lame. But oh well. Susan and I are going down together, and we get to take a half day off work and come in late on Thursday, so that is good!

In other news, can I just say that I love being part of a moped gang? Well, almost part of one...we've submitted our branch review for official inclusion into the Moped Army and we should know within the next couple of weeks if we were approved or not. I hope so...Boston was so much fun last weekend, mopedding for 2 days straight is insane and wonderful. It was awesome to meet the kids from Virginia and Rhode Island -- the Virginia kids were insane and crazy and fun and the Rhode Island kids were really nice. And it was good to see Annie from NY, and Josh and Fred and Jefferson and Carey Sue and Jessica and the rest of the Boston people.

Ok, now Brett wants to drive up to Lewiston to look at Bates College; I guess he wants to photograph it. It's getting late so if we're going to do it we need to go! I might as well ride along; I won't get to see him much this semester as he has night class 4 nights per week. :(

Thursday, September 02, 2004

I can't come up with a decent title tonight

I have no one coherent topic I feel like writing about tonight, though I do have a few things on my mind.

I should really be doing laundry right now but I don't want to walk back outside and downstairs.

It's actually COLD out tonight! Weird! Fall is definitely in the air. There's a tree at work that's already lost its leaves. And, as I was walking down the path at work today, a leaf fell on the ground in front of me, as if to say, "Hey you! It's fall!" Last night we slept with the window open and the new neighbors had built a fire, so we had the cozy smell of woodsmoke to fall asleep to. I'm looking forward to fall, for sure (partly because everyone is coming to visit then) but I don't want to think about the fact that winter follows fall! ICK. Well, I did it last year and I can do it again!

Yeah, so here's our schedule for October/November:
Oct 7 -- Dad, Sandy and Jason come
Oct 11 -- Dad, Sandy and Jason leave; Bree arrives
Oct 16 -- Bree leaves
Oct 23 -- Jeff & Priscilla arrive
Oct 30 -- Jeff & Priscilla leave
Nov 23 -- Mom arrives
Nov 30 -- Mom leaves
Crazy 6 weeks, no?

Sunday, August 29, 2004

working on Sunday is no fun, but at least there is air conditioning here

Well, it's still pretty humid today, but not nearly as bad as yesterday. The temperatures are a little lower, which helps...and hopefully we'll get some rain this afternoon to cool things off a little more. Though I am at work right now, which sort of sucks on the one hand, it's nice on the other because there is air conditioning here! Yahoo! And, it's a slow day, so I've got some time on my hands to get some projects here done.

I feel 1000 times better today than I did yesterday, both physically and emotionally. I had had a migraine for 3 days by yesterday afternoon, and that combined with the humidity was just too much. I couldn't handle it anymore, and just lost it -- I had an episode, I guess you'd say. In the end, though, I think the catharsis of crying was what I needed. It always makes me feel better. I know it's tough for Brett when I get all weepy; his family doesn't do a lot of crying. He always looks at me with this mixture of shock, pity, and an element of distatste...so I feel bad doing it, but I honestly can't help it sometimes. But the crying followed by a nap followed by dinner followed by chocolate ice cream followed by bed definitely helped things quite a lot.

I don't feel this way today, but lately, I have just felt really lonely here. I don't have any close girlfriends who I can just vent to or hang out with and laugh. It's not like feeling this way is anything new, but going home was really hard in some ways. It just made me realize how much I love the Northwest, and how it truly is my home, and how wonderful it is to have friends nearby, people whom I can call anytime. Oh well...two more years and I'll be home. I can handle it. And in the immediate future, Bree is coming, and Dad, Sandy, and Jason, and then Mom! So I have lots to look forward to between now and the holidays!

We're having people over for mopedding this afternoon. I don't know who all is coming, but the plan is to bbq, then ride into town to see the Gremlins outside. It's supposed to thunderstorm, though, so I don't really know about that. It's not covered, so I don't know what they'd do. They use a fancy computer projection system to play the movie, and I know they wouldn't want to get that wet, so it might be cancelled. I will do some web hunting and try to find out. Maybe there's a number I can call. The name of the organization that puts it on is totally escaping me right now...crap...what is it? It's on the tip of my tounge but for the life of me, I can't remember what it is exactly. Something like MENSA, but that's not it. But it starts with an M and has 5 letters, I think. Oh well. It'll come to me.

Ok, I should wrap this up and get some actual work done. That is why I'm here, after all.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

it's been a busy month

synopsis:
home to Seattle and PDX for 10 days, then had Rachel visiting for 10 days, then have just been working for the past two weeks. nothing too exciting.

how i feel tonight, in 4 simple words:
hot, tired, grumpy, sweaty

i hate humidity. it's at 90% right now, and i can barely stand it. UGH. at least i'm working tomorrow, so will get to be in air conditioning.

not much else going on...going down to Boston next weekend for a big ol' Labor Day moped rally. awesome. i'm looking forward to it.

that's my very brief post for the night. i'm going to go to bed now and point the fan directly at me, in hopes that i will cool off enough to get some sleep.

later.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I'm surprised at myself.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I REALLY WANT to do this master's program: http://www.spu.edu/prospects/grad/academics/mfa/index.asp
 
Oh goodness...sigh.  It's at the school where I went for undergrad (there are both good and bad things about that), and I want to do it so much.  It's an MFA in creative writing, and it sounds incredible.
 
I have not had one twinge of wanting to go back to school in the past two years, since I've been done with my undergrad.  But I am thrilled with excitement when I read the requirements/objectives for the program.  I want to go do it NOW, this instant.  I don't want to wait a year, two years, or any length of time.  It just sounds amazing and motivating and wonderful. 
 
There are two problems with this.  The first is that I don't think I could get accepted.  I would have to submit several writing samples, including poetry.  I feel completely uncomfortable writing poetry, and I don't have any that I'd be willing to submit.  That's not to say I couldn't write some...but I just don't know where to begin.  It's a lack of confidence, really.  And, I don't really even have any longer fiction writing samples I'd want to submit.  This ties in with the second problem.  I think I see myself as a writer more in my head than I actually am in reality.  I have been trying to write more often lately (creatively, that is) but I have been having a very difficult time finding things to write about.  I feel that I have mastered the technical aspects of writing, at least to some degree, but that where the creative impulse comes into play, I'm stumped.  
 
I mean, people always say to write what you know...and there are plenty of things in my life that I know.  I just don't have a coherent way of writing those things down.  I've been through a lot in my life: parents' ugly divorce, nursing mom through breast cancer when I was 16, sister having 2 babies before she was 21, marriage, etc...so certainly there are things that I could write about, but I guess I have trouble coming up with a way to turn them into stories, to bring them away from the autobiographical and into the realm of fiction. 
 
Maybe part of that is just a lack of education in creative writing, or it's more likely because almost all of my education where writing is concerned is centered around the journalistic, not the creative.  Though I believe the two genres can have a lot to give to each other, they are very different. 
 
I guess that's the point of a degree in creative writing, though.  I mean, if I were already a proficient and published creative writer, I probably wouldn't be interested in this program.  So maybe I do have a shot. 
 
I don't know.  I'm very tempted to use the next months to try to come up with some writing to submit.  The application deadline for the first year isn't until March, so I have a few months.  And, I just looked at the tuition and it's only $25,000 for the entire 3-year program.  Not bad at all.  Though more debt at this point in our lives would NOT be a good thing (with DH going through school, and my undergrad student loans), it's certainly do-able. 
 
Maybe I will just write during the next 8 months, and see what I can come up with.  Who knows?  I just might apply in March. 
 
Ok, this is a really long ramble.  Thanks for reading, if you've gotten this far.  I just needed to reflect a bit and this seemed like the place to do it. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

"due to unusually high call volumes, your call cannot be completed at this time"

I hate, hate HATE automated telephone systems. They piss me off to no end. I just freaking wanted to TALK to someone! I mean for Pete's sake, how hard is it? I don't want "Julie," your automated telephone system attendant, I want a live person. I need human interaction and understanding, not some annoying, overly-happy, disembodied voice.

On that note, I just spent almost 20 minutes on Northwest Airlines' automated system, trying to talk with an agent about how my stepbrother's flight is cancelled and he's stuck in Minneapolis. No luck. So, Jason, who's never flown alone before, is marooned in the Minneapolis airport, and you can't help me?! Argh.

Oh well. It appears he got in touch with my dad, and they're working it out...but from what I can tell, every other flight into Portland, Maine has been cancelled tonight. So he may not be able to get in until tomorrow, and I think the earliest he can get here is 1 p.m. Sigh. It's just a lame situation, and I feel bad for him. How intimidating that must be! He's going to stay the night with friends of my dad's, whom he's never met. I would be freaked out. I will make him a peach cobbler when he gets here, to make up for all the stress!

Had dinner with Marci tonight. Went to the thai place...mmm...Massaman Curry is the best. I swear, I could eat that every single day. I'm going to miss Marci when they move. I can't believe it's next Tuesday! She's one of the only people (women) that I feel remotely close to here. So I'm really sad to see her go. And, it's nice that Brett and Caleb are good friends, too. Good couple friends are hard to come by.

Meh. This weather today makes me miss Seattle. It's all misty, soft rain...if I close my eyes, I can pretend that it's the fall, and I'm standing on Queen Anne Avenue, in front of Cafe Lladro, and pretend that I was just in Communique, and Hilltop Yarn, and now I'm getting a latte with one of my best friends. Sigh. Wish I were there.

Anyway, enough melancholy rambling. I'm done for now. Hopefully I'll hear from my dad soon, to find out what they told Jason at the airport, and when we can pick him up. I'm glad Brett took tomorrow off...otherwise we'd be up a creek without a paddle.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

being pulled over does nothing but destroy the pleasure of strawberry ice cream

So Brett and Wendy and Caleb and Marci and I were riding around Baxter Boulevard when a cop pulled up behind us, flashed his lights, and pulled us over.

It was really weird. I guess Brett and Wendy and I just happened to be riding three abreast when we passed him, though what was really happening was that Brett and I were passing Wendy. Then, the cop got upset because we weren't riding to the far right of the road, which, apparently is the law in Maine.

It's a stupid law, because our mopeds go between 30 and 35, and we were on a road with a speed limit of 35. And if we ride to the far right (in theory to allow cars to pass easier) we're actually putting ourselves in far greater danger than if we ride in the middle of the lane. See, if we're going 30, and we're on a road with a limit of 35, and people have to pass us, well, they are going to have to be going at LEAST 40 if not 45 in order to do so, thereby putting themselves at risk, breaking the law, and putting us in a worse position -- what if one of us hit a pothole or storm grate on the shoulder, had to swerve, and our choices were to hit the car, going 45 or to hit another moped? It's just not good for us or for the cars.

Anyway, I'm just ranting on about it because it is a stupid law. I'm a vehicle, too! I want the same rights as a car on roads that are under 35; it just makes sense to me.

Meh. Now Brett is all grumpy and so I feel grumpy. The cop didn't ticket us or anything; just lectured, but still. It's no fun. I'm going to go to bed now and maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

And it doesn't help that Dave and Liz are having a party/bonfire tonight, so that's right outside my bedroom window, and meanwhile, Brett's out there. I am just in a bad mood and I really want to snuggle with my husband, but he's out drinking beer. And then I feel guilty because I don't want to be out there, too...and I feel annoyed because he wants to be out there and not in here with me. AGGGGH! I just feel so conflicted and more annoyed with myself than anything else. Why don't I want to be out there? I just don't enjoy it. I would just much rather be in here, reading my book and being anti social.

Sigh. I'm just grumbly tonight; I don't know what my problem is. Oh well. I'm really going to get in bed and read now. That will be nice.

working on the weekend is no fun.

I'm here at work, and it's Saturday. Not so bad, really -- it's been fairly slow -- but I would still rather be at home.

It started out to be a nice, sunny day, and then about 20 minutes ago it got really dark and windy and rainy. I love storms like that! I just hope all the windows are closed at home.

I really have nothing to say today. We may go eat thai food tonight, and I would enjoy that. A big bowl of Massaman curry...mmm...of course, it's not as good as the Thai food in Seattle, but I can live with that.

Speaking of Seattle, I'm so excited to go visit. Only 20 days until we leave. YAY! I cannot wait. I miss Seattle so much -- the people, the food, church, the mountains...the fact that businesses stay open past 7 p.m. It's going to be really hard to come back to Maine when our vacation is over. Sigh. At least we know that we'll probably move back there when Brett's done at MECA in two years.

Two years really isn't a long time; I cannot even begin to fathom that we've been married almost one. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I was talking to my mom last night about how we were freaking out about everything wedding related this time last year, and how my friend Sarah (who is getting married the day after our anniversary) is in that same place right now. It's funny; I hated doing the planning at the time. It was so stressful. But now, I look back nostalgically and sigh. Oh well. I guess things tend to seem better in retrospect.

Anyway, I'm babbling on about nothing in particular. Looking forward to going home at 4, eating Thai and hanging out with Caleb and Marci tonight. It's so odd that now they're moving to Seattle in a little over a week. I'll miss them a lot.

Ok, I'm all done for now. Got a few things to do before I leave work for the day so I should get to it.

Friday, July 09, 2004

chocolate soy milk is yummy

Well, it's Friday night, and I'm not doing anything too eventful. Just sitting here drinking chocolate soy milk. I had the day off because I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, which is fine, but it does sort of suck when Brett's off. Oh well. I only have to work 10 to 4 so I don't really mind.
Susan from work came over tonight, and we had a fun evening. I made pesto -- YUM -- and we watched Spellbound, the documentary about the National Spelling Bee. I love that movie. It was wonderful! The 7 kids are amazing and so funny at times.
I'm being told that it's Brett's turn for the computer so I suppose I should cut this short. Maybe not, though - he made me wait 2 freaking hours last night, till I was asleep, before he offered me the computer. Enh. I don't care that much; I just wish that he would think of me like I think of him. See, I'm going to get off the computer in a reasonable amount of time becuase he wants it, but did he? Noooo.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

two days in a row...a brand new record!

Well, I've done it...posting here two days in a row. Amazing. It's mind-boggling...or, it would be if anyone read this. As it is, there are no minds to boggle.
Speaking of Boggle, I bought it (sans timer) at a garage sale a couple of weeks ago, and broke it out yesterday, trying to get Brett into playing it. Yeah, not so much. It was too "illogical" and "asymetrical" for him. Hm. Yeah, sure. But here's my question -- since when has symmetry mattered to *him*? I ask you. It doesn't matter and hasn't mattered for a long time. Anyway, we played like 2 rounds and he got up, got a beer, and plopped down on the couch to watch _Barfly_, the great but depressing movie written by Charles Bukowski and starring Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway. I kept playing Boggle alone...not so fun, really, once that sense of competition is taken away.
Not much else to say. Work is sort of lame now, but that's ok. It's better than my old job, but it does suck when my co-worker is mean and condescending to me. A great example is that he told me today (as I was giving approx. 30 seconds of preface to something), "Come on! Spit it out!" Butthead. This was in a group staff meeting in front of our regional manger, too. ARGH. Why must he pick on ME? I've decided that it must be God's way of teaching me to turn the other cheek, because everything IN me wants to rip him a new one. Sigh.
I'm totally sleepy and lazy tonight. I really should clean the kitchen, hem my pants, do laundry, etc...but I just don't want to. I guess I can muster up the energy to at least do a load of laundry and wash some dishes. I'll be happier once I've done those things, I'm sure.
So, off to be wifely and domestic I go. Maybe I'll even post again tomorrow! It would be so shocking, wouldn't it?
One last question -- is asking rhetorical questions when no one's here to answer them anything like talking to myself. Yes, I think it must be.

Monday, July 05, 2004

finally! the internet at home!

Well, as of Saturday, we are connected to the rest of the world, thankfully! I have the entire Internet at my fingertips, and no more worry of sneaking around at work. And, perhaps the best part is, I'm in my pajamas!
So now that I have the Internet at home, hopefully I can be more faithful about keeping this updated. It's not like anyone reads it (I've never told anybody about it) but still -- maybe I will someday, so I had better be prepared if that eventuality arises.
Ok. Quick life update...I did get the job I had the 2nd interview for. I'm working at Princeton Properties as a leasing consultant. I lease apartments. No, not the most glamorous or life-changing occupation, but it's better than a lot of other jobs I have had. I really enjoy my co-worker, Susan. She's a kick to work with and we get along really well. So that is a complete blessing to me. Some of my other co-workers are not as cool, but I deal with that.
In other news, both Brett and I got mopeds in the past few months! Yahoo! They are so much fun and I really love to ride mine. It is pretty slow, however, hovering at about 29 on a good day with no wind. LOL! The wind really makes a difference, though. It's surprising how much a strong wind can slow me down.
I'm so glad I have the day off today. It's nice that the 4th of July was on Sunday, because now I get a 3 day weekend. I'm still in my pajamas and it's 12:17 p.m. I haven't done this in ages. I had better get in the shower soon, though, because if Brett comes home and finds me still sitting here where he left me...I'll be in trouble. Also, I want to go to Joann Fabrics today. They're having a sale and I have a coupon. I want to make some curtains and things for our house!
So that pretty much means I should get going...I'll try to write more soon!

Friday, April 09, 2004

oh, my

Was my last post prophetic? The very next day, I was fired from my job. Laid-off, dismissed, however you want to put it. It was a huge relief. I was getting to the point where I was having migraines and I was taking all of my stress out on Brett.

I feel much better.

However, now I have to worry about getting a JOB. Which is scary. I don't like it. I had a second interview yesterday and really, really hope I get it. I do not like feeling out of control financially. I suppose that to some degree, it is a matter of trusting that God will provide. Well, ok, it's that way to a LARGE degree. *whining* But I don't liiiiiike that!

Sigh.

Anyway, in unrelated news, I am so looking forward to our trip home this summer! Sarah and Joel, good college friends of ours, are getting married! I can't wait to go to their wedding, see our families, and spend some time at HOME. Also, I am going to get to meet 2 of my message board friends! YAY! It will be wonderful. :-)

That's about all there is to tell right now...I'll try to be better about keeping this up to date, but without the Internet at home and with no job, it could be hard!

Thursday, March 11, 2004

work shmerk

Can I just say that I hate work right now? I don’t mean to be a gripe – I’m really a happy, well-adjusted person – but I just can’t take this anymore.

One of my bosses is a micromanaging, condescending meanine. I have been told in the past that I can’t use sticky notes (too unprofessional; yet, we have no voicemail system for the office – I’ll let you be the judge of that one), that I have to write phone messages in the little carbon message book and then put them in an exact spot on his desk, and various other micromanagy things.

Well, this is the last straw. He just told me I have to use the stupid, confusing, illogically designed database program for all of my tasks and calendar functions. I have been using Outlook, which I love, and he said I couldn’t use it anymore. I came thisclose to losing it. I did make a comment about how I hate the database program, and he gave me some crap about how no one really likes it but we all have to use it anyway. ARGH! As one friend put it, I should be able to make my own systems of working so that I will be more successful and efficient at my job. Well said.
I am starting to look for a new job – today.

There were so many other things I was going to write about today, but this superseded them. Maybe I’ll write more later about more interesting and less gripey things.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

introduction...or re-introduction, if you will

Well. I started this blog years ago and never kept up with it. In fact, I sort of forgot about it. Now, I am done with school and married and I actually have *time* on my hands! (Gasp! Imagine that!) And, I really want to get back into the swing of writing, so I thought blogging might be a good way to start.

I feel like an introduction is in order, so here's a bit about me. My name is Kathleen. I am 22 years old, and I live in Portland, Maine with my husband Brett. We are originally from Portland, Oregon but lived in Seattle for 4 years during college. I work as an office manager in a small software company, so I tend to have a bit of time on my hands. Hence, the blogging.

I?ll probably talk a lot about all of the changes that have happened in my life in the past year, since that's what is on my mind right now: getting married in July, moving to Maine in November, changing jobs several times, etc.

So I will get right down to it.

I am pretty freaking grumpy today. Well, to be honest, I've been really grumpy for a few weeks and I can't seem to get un-grumpy, which I hate. Feeling out of control, especially of myself, is not something I like.

I guess I'm coming to realize that life, and especially marriage, is NOT easy. Maybe I assumed that since we dated for over 4 years before we got married, that things would be easy. Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest, and for the first six months I laughed that off.

"Hard?" I would scoff. "No way! I love being married. It's wonderful! It's amazing! blah, blah, blah."

Now it's like the crap has hit the fan and I am transformed into a grumpy, nagging, mean, yelling wife. Ugh. I don't want to be like this but every time I resolve to be different I fall right back into it.

Choosing your battles is a lot harder than it seems. I think that's a lot of what I'm learning; that I really do have to choose my battles, because if I pick on every little thing, he won't listen at all when the big things come along and I really need him to listen. Heh. That's my psychological epiphany for the day.