Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I'm surprised at myself.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I REALLY WANT to do this master's program:
Oh goodness...sigh.  It's at the school where I went for undergrad (there are both good and bad things about that), and I want to do it so much.  It's an MFA in creative writing, and it sounds incredible.
I have not had one twinge of wanting to go back to school in the past two years, since I've been done with my undergrad.  But I am thrilled with excitement when I read the requirements/objectives for the program.  I want to go do it NOW, this instant.  I don't want to wait a year, two years, or any length of time.  It just sounds amazing and motivating and wonderful. 
There are two problems with this.  The first is that I don't think I could get accepted.  I would have to submit several writing samples, including poetry.  I feel completely uncomfortable writing poetry, and I don't have any that I'd be willing to submit.  That's not to say I couldn't write some...but I just don't know where to begin.  It's a lack of confidence, really.  And, I don't really even have any longer fiction writing samples I'd want to submit.  This ties in with the second problem.  I think I see myself as a writer more in my head than I actually am in reality.  I have been trying to write more often lately (creatively, that is) but I have been having a very difficult time finding things to write about.  I feel that I have mastered the technical aspects of writing, at least to some degree, but that where the creative impulse comes into play, I'm stumped.  
I mean, people always say to write what you know...and there are plenty of things in my life that I know.  I just don't have a coherent way of writing those things down.  I've been through a lot in my life: parents' ugly divorce, nursing mom through breast cancer when I was 16, sister having 2 babies before she was 21, marriage, certainly there are things that I could write about, but I guess I have trouble coming up with a way to turn them into stories, to bring them away from the autobiographical and into the realm of fiction. 
Maybe part of that is just a lack of education in creative writing, or it's more likely because almost all of my education where writing is concerned is centered around the journalistic, not the creative.  Though I believe the two genres can have a lot to give to each other, they are very different. 
I guess that's the point of a degree in creative writing, though.  I mean, if I were already a proficient and published creative writer, I probably wouldn't be interested in this program.  So maybe I do have a shot. 
I don't know.  I'm very tempted to use the next months to try to come up with some writing to submit.  The application deadline for the first year isn't until March, so I have a few months.  And, I just looked at the tuition and it's only $25,000 for the entire 3-year program.  Not bad at all.  Though more debt at this point in our lives would NOT be a good thing (with DH going through school, and my undergrad student loans), it's certainly do-able. 
Maybe I will just write during the next 8 months, and see what I can come up with.  Who knows?  I just might apply in March. 
Ok, this is a really long ramble.  Thanks for reading, if you've gotten this far.  I just needed to reflect a bit and this seemed like the place to do it. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

"due to unusually high call volumes, your call cannot be completed at this time"

I hate, hate HATE automated telephone systems. They piss me off to no end. I just freaking wanted to TALK to someone! I mean for Pete's sake, how hard is it? I don't want "Julie," your automated telephone system attendant, I want a live person. I need human interaction and understanding, not some annoying, overly-happy, disembodied voice.

On that note, I just spent almost 20 minutes on Northwest Airlines' automated system, trying to talk with an agent about how my stepbrother's flight is cancelled and he's stuck in Minneapolis. No luck. So, Jason, who's never flown alone before, is marooned in the Minneapolis airport, and you can't help me?! Argh.

Oh well. It appears he got in touch with my dad, and they're working it out...but from what I can tell, every other flight into Portland, Maine has been cancelled tonight. So he may not be able to get in until tomorrow, and I think the earliest he can get here is 1 p.m. Sigh. It's just a lame situation, and I feel bad for him. How intimidating that must be! He's going to stay the night with friends of my dad's, whom he's never met. I would be freaked out. I will make him a peach cobbler when he gets here, to make up for all the stress!

Had dinner with Marci tonight. Went to the thai place...mmm...Massaman Curry is the best. I swear, I could eat that every single day. I'm going to miss Marci when they move. I can't believe it's next Tuesday! She's one of the only people (women) that I feel remotely close to here. So I'm really sad to see her go. And, it's nice that Brett and Caleb are good friends, too. Good couple friends are hard to come by.

Meh. This weather today makes me miss Seattle. It's all misty, soft rain...if I close my eyes, I can pretend that it's the fall, and I'm standing on Queen Anne Avenue, in front of Cafe Lladro, and pretend that I was just in Communique, and Hilltop Yarn, and now I'm getting a latte with one of my best friends. Sigh. Wish I were there.

Anyway, enough melancholy rambling. I'm done for now. Hopefully I'll hear from my dad soon, to find out what they told Jason at the airport, and when we can pick him up. I'm glad Brett took tomorrow off...otherwise we'd be up a creek without a paddle.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

being pulled over does nothing but destroy the pleasure of strawberry ice cream

So Brett and Wendy and Caleb and Marci and I were riding around Baxter Boulevard when a cop pulled up behind us, flashed his lights, and pulled us over.

It was really weird. I guess Brett and Wendy and I just happened to be riding three abreast when we passed him, though what was really happening was that Brett and I were passing Wendy. Then, the cop got upset because we weren't riding to the far right of the road, which, apparently is the law in Maine.

It's a stupid law, because our mopeds go between 30 and 35, and we were on a road with a speed limit of 35. And if we ride to the far right (in theory to allow cars to pass easier) we're actually putting ourselves in far greater danger than if we ride in the middle of the lane. See, if we're going 30, and we're on a road with a limit of 35, and people have to pass us, well, they are going to have to be going at LEAST 40 if not 45 in order to do so, thereby putting themselves at risk, breaking the law, and putting us in a worse position -- what if one of us hit a pothole or storm grate on the shoulder, had to swerve, and our choices were to hit the car, going 45 or to hit another moped? It's just not good for us or for the cars.

Anyway, I'm just ranting on about it because it is a stupid law. I'm a vehicle, too! I want the same rights as a car on roads that are under 35; it just makes sense to me.

Meh. Now Brett is all grumpy and so I feel grumpy. The cop didn't ticket us or anything; just lectured, but still. It's no fun. I'm going to go to bed now and maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

And it doesn't help that Dave and Liz are having a party/bonfire tonight, so that's right outside my bedroom window, and meanwhile, Brett's out there. I am just in a bad mood and I really want to snuggle with my husband, but he's out drinking beer. And then I feel guilty because I don't want to be out there, too...and I feel annoyed because he wants to be out there and not in here with me. AGGGGH! I just feel so conflicted and more annoyed with myself than anything else. Why don't I want to be out there? I just don't enjoy it. I would just much rather be in here, reading my book and being anti social.

Sigh. I'm just grumbly tonight; I don't know what my problem is. Oh well. I'm really going to get in bed and read now. That will be nice.

working on the weekend is no fun.

I'm here at work, and it's Saturday. Not so bad, really -- it's been fairly slow -- but I would still rather be at home.

It started out to be a nice, sunny day, and then about 20 minutes ago it got really dark and windy and rainy. I love storms like that! I just hope all the windows are closed at home.

I really have nothing to say today. We may go eat thai food tonight, and I would enjoy that. A big bowl of Massaman curry...mmm...of course, it's not as good as the Thai food in Seattle, but I can live with that.

Speaking of Seattle, I'm so excited to go visit. Only 20 days until we leave. YAY! I cannot wait. I miss Seattle so much -- the people, the food, church, the mountains...the fact that businesses stay open past 7 p.m. It's going to be really hard to come back to Maine when our vacation is over. Sigh. At least we know that we'll probably move back there when Brett's done at MECA in two years.

Two years really isn't a long time; I cannot even begin to fathom that we've been married almost one. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I was talking to my mom last night about how we were freaking out about everything wedding related this time last year, and how my friend Sarah (who is getting married the day after our anniversary) is in that same place right now. It's funny; I hated doing the planning at the time. It was so stressful. But now, I look back nostalgically and sigh. Oh well. I guess things tend to seem better in retrospect.

Anyway, I'm babbling on about nothing in particular. Looking forward to going home at 4, eating Thai and hanging out with Caleb and Marci tonight. It's so odd that now they're moving to Seattle in a little over a week. I'll miss them a lot.

Ok, I'm all done for now. Got a few things to do before I leave work for the day so I should get to it.

Friday, July 09, 2004

chocolate soy milk is yummy

Well, it's Friday night, and I'm not doing anything too eventful. Just sitting here drinking chocolate soy milk. I had the day off because I have to work tomorrow and Sunday, which is fine, but it does sort of suck when Brett's off. Oh well. I only have to work 10 to 4 so I don't really mind.
Susan from work came over tonight, and we had a fun evening. I made pesto -- YUM -- and we watched Spellbound, the documentary about the National Spelling Bee. I love that movie. It was wonderful! The 7 kids are amazing and so funny at times.
I'm being told that it's Brett's turn for the computer so I suppose I should cut this short. Maybe not, though - he made me wait 2 freaking hours last night, till I was asleep, before he offered me the computer. Enh. I don't care that much; I just wish that he would think of me like I think of him. See, I'm going to get off the computer in a reasonable amount of time becuase he wants it, but did he? Noooo.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

two days in a row...a brand new record!

Well, I've done it...posting here two days in a row. Amazing. It's mind-boggling...or, it would be if anyone read this. As it is, there are no minds to boggle.
Speaking of Boggle, I bought it (sans timer) at a garage sale a couple of weeks ago, and broke it out yesterday, trying to get Brett into playing it. Yeah, not so much. It was too "illogical" and "asymetrical" for him. Hm. Yeah, sure. But here's my question -- since when has symmetry mattered to *him*? I ask you. It doesn't matter and hasn't mattered for a long time. Anyway, we played like 2 rounds and he got up, got a beer, and plopped down on the couch to watch _Barfly_, the great but depressing movie written by Charles Bukowski and starring Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway. I kept playing Boggle alone...not so fun, really, once that sense of competition is taken away.
Not much else to say. Work is sort of lame now, but that's ok. It's better than my old job, but it does suck when my co-worker is mean and condescending to me. A great example is that he told me today (as I was giving approx. 30 seconds of preface to something), "Come on! Spit it out!" Butthead. This was in a group staff meeting in front of our regional manger, too. ARGH. Why must he pick on ME? I've decided that it must be God's way of teaching me to turn the other cheek, because everything IN me wants to rip him a new one. Sigh.
I'm totally sleepy and lazy tonight. I really should clean the kitchen, hem my pants, do laundry, etc...but I just don't want to. I guess I can muster up the energy to at least do a load of laundry and wash some dishes. I'll be happier once I've done those things, I'm sure.
So, off to be wifely and domestic I go. Maybe I'll even post again tomorrow! It would be so shocking, wouldn't it?
One last question -- is asking rhetorical questions when no one's here to answer them anything like talking to myself. Yes, I think it must be.

Monday, July 05, 2004

finally! the internet at home!

Well, as of Saturday, we are connected to the rest of the world, thankfully! I have the entire Internet at my fingertips, and no more worry of sneaking around at work. And, perhaps the best part is, I'm in my pajamas!
So now that I have the Internet at home, hopefully I can be more faithful about keeping this updated. It's not like anyone reads it (I've never told anybody about it) but still -- maybe I will someday, so I had better be prepared if that eventuality arises.
Ok. Quick life update...I did get the job I had the 2nd interview for. I'm working at Princeton Properties as a leasing consultant. I lease apartments. No, not the most glamorous or life-changing occupation, but it's better than a lot of other jobs I have had. I really enjoy my co-worker, Susan. She's a kick to work with and we get along really well. So that is a complete blessing to me. Some of my other co-workers are not as cool, but I deal with that.
In other news, both Brett and I got mopeds in the past few months! Yahoo! They are so much fun and I really love to ride mine. It is pretty slow, however, hovering at about 29 on a good day with no wind. LOL! The wind really makes a difference, though. It's surprising how much a strong wind can slow me down.
I'm so glad I have the day off today. It's nice that the 4th of July was on Sunday, because now I get a 3 day weekend. I'm still in my pajamas and it's 12:17 p.m. I haven't done this in ages. I had better get in the shower soon, though, because if Brett comes home and finds me still sitting here where he left me...I'll be in trouble. Also, I want to go to Joann Fabrics today. They're having a sale and I have a coupon. I want to make some curtains and things for our house!
So that pretty much means I should get going...I'll try to write more soon!