Monday, April 11, 2005

I just don't know if I can do this today. (warning: rant)

I just don't want to be at work today. I know, I know, I should be grateful I have a job, etc, but you know, I just don't feel like thinking that way today. I sound like a petulant 6-year-old, but I don't care. I'm sick of this.

I hate feeling like I am not good at my job. I hate having managers I don't trust and who don't give me feedback. I hate dealing with uncompassionate people. I hate feeling like I'm always being scrutinized, like they don't trust me.

I don't want to work on the Senior Outreach Flier. I feel stupid calling churches, VFW halls, etc. and asking if I can post a flier about our apartments on their bulletin boards.

Sigh. If I were in Office Space, someone would come up and say to me, "Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays."

I am sick of sitting at this unergonomic desk. MY BODY HURTS after I sit here for an hour, let alone all day. My arm is already tingling and bordering on going numb and I have the beginnings of another monster headache and it's only like 8:30. Great.

Oh, and it's not my fault that the application for B5 is nowhere to be found. So stop acting like it is!!!! The only thing I ever saw was the mis-faxed one, and I left it there, on the fax. The girls never dropped off their application and check when I was in the office. If anyone is at fault here (and I'm not even saying anyone should be) it's the people who were in the office yesterday: Brian or the cleaning crew. NOT ME. I wasn't here; I never saw it.

I think part of why I'm so frustrated is that I work so hard at this job I don't really like all the time, and I never get any recognition here, (on the contrary, I feel quite threatened) and then all the money I earn working at this job gets spent up and I never have any left for myself (let alone bills at times) at the end of the day. So why bother?

Yes, I know, this is a very pessimistic post but that is how I'm feeling today, and I don't want to email this to any one specific person (I dump enough on my friends and my mom) so this is my outlet for now.

Hopefully this day will get better soon. I'm off to call the chiropractor -- hopefully he can help my arm/neck/back/head feel better...even if Brett doesn't agree with the chiropractor, I don't care anymore. I hurt; I want to feel better. The chiropractor can make that happen. I tried to do it without him but I just have reached the wall. The only things that make my back feel better are: 1. a super-expensive sticky heat patch right on my shoulder and 2. beer. Seriously, I went home from work on Friday in such pain that I drank 2 beers to deal with it, becuase the 500 mg of Naproxen the doctor gave me don't do a damn thing. But the beer helped. Pretty sad, huh, that I'm using beer to medicate my back pain. Me, the girl who like never drinks, went out and bought beer to drink so her back would feel better. Yes, it's time to call the chiropractor. Maybe he can even see me tonight!!

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