Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Warning: really kind of gross, but also? Really hilarious.

I may be the only one who finds this funny, and if that's the case, so be it. Most of you will probably think I should be reported to PETA or something, or else you'll just think I'm sick and twisted. Which, I kind of am. Be that as it may, I just about died laughing when Brett told me what happened to him last night when he got home from school.

First, some background. Our cat, Audrey, (whom, I must say, we do love dearly, despite her recent naughty behavior) has been bad lately. She's been peeing on anything and everything that we leave on the floor. My black wool coat? Check. Brett's Timbuk2 bag? Check. My handmade winter hat and scarf that fell off the coatrack? Check. The bathmat? Check. My long sleeved black shirt that fell off the chair? Check. Any laundry I have sorted on the floor? Check.

It's really nasty, and frankly, has us worried. We are going to take her to the vet to see if something is wrong. We've also tried some different litter, and tried giving her more water, which seems to be helping matters. But I digress.

So she's been peeing on all of our stuff lately, which is totally frustrating when (like myself) you go to put on your coat, hat, and scarf, and find yourself gagging at the smell of cat pee. Yes. Fun. (Not.)

So. Last night, I called Brett on the way home from a city council meeting. The following conversation ensued.

Brett: Hello?
Me: Hey, it's me. I'm on my way home.
Him: Oh, good. Hey, guess what? I got revenge on Audrey for peeing on all of our stuff lately.
Me [thinking, "How the hell do you get revenge on a cat?"]: Oh? What did you do?
Him [giggling a little]: Well, um, I kind of accidentally peed on her a little bit.
Me [starting to laugh too]: You WHAT? You PEED ON HER? How do you kind of accidentally pee on a cat?!?!
*Note: I will now paraphrase, becuase I don't think my husband wants me broadcasting any more about his bodily functions to the Internet.Essentially, he was about to do his business when Audrey jumped in front of him and he couldn't stop before he hit her.*
Me [now DYING of laughter, tears rolling down my face, about to pee my pants]: What did she DO?!
Him [also dying of laughter]: Well, she went, "MrOWWWW!" and jumped out of the way, and then sat right outside the bathroom door, lickign herself violently and kind of going, "Ech, ech, ech."
Me [laughing harder than I ever thought possible]: You should -- HAHAHAHAHA -- You should brush her or something, to get the pee off.
Him [also laughing extremely hard]: I tried -- BWAHAHAHAHA -- I tried -- BWAHAHAHA -- [talking really fast to get it out before he laughed again] I-tried-to-wipe-her-off-with-a-paper-towel.

Anyway, Audrey doesn't seem *too* scarred, I hope. Brett felt really bad, I think, once he was able to stop laughing.

Oh, and any suggestions about cats peeing on things and how to make them stop would be most appreciated. (Becca, let this in no way discourage you from getting a cat...it's worth it; I promise!!)


Anonymous said...


We've had some problems with Arcadia peeing on things left on the floor (most recently, a load of dirty laundry I left on top of the dryer for a few days). We've found that she's really picky about her litterbox, and won't use it if she thinks it's too dirty. We ended up buying one of those automatic scooping ones for this very reason, and it's worked very well, for the most part.

Def. take Audrey to the vet--unusual peeing behavior could be related to a UTI.

Carolyn said...

Okay, that previous comment was from me, Carolyn. No idea why it says that I'm anonymous.

Muffy said...

That is hysterical. LOL

My vet told me they don't like citrus smells. I don't know how that can work for objects but if the cat were peeing on the carpet you could spray it with a citrus air freshener.

Bree said...

Oh Leen! I needed a good laugh this morning. What a hilarious story. Perhaps now that Aud has been peed on she will stop her naughty ways. Or maybe she just might turn it up a notch! Good luck with that

Kathleen said...

Carolyn -- Yes, we think some of the issues may be because we have both been extremely busy lately and not as on top of cleaning out her litter box as we should be. We've been trying harder to do that this week and things seem to have improved.

Muffy -- That's a thought...getting some kind of citrus-y smell going in the house. We have hardwoods (so at least cleanup is easy) but I could try mopping with a citrus cleanser. *adding to my mental list of things to get next time I'm at Target*

Bree -- I hope not!! Yikes. I'll just tell her Auntie Bree is going to come smack her down if she's bad again. ;p

Anonymous said...

OMG, that happened with Bryan and Oscar this morning!

Oscar, um, fell in toilet mid, um, stream? LMAO. I have never seen a cat move so fast in all my life!

rebecca said...


What a great story...I was howling! It doesn't discourage me at all -- not one bit. It's too funny to even think about the reality of it! That was great!

I'll keep you posted on stuff with ours when we get them!!

sring said...

LMAO. "revenge on the cat" that's hysterical!

Sarah L. said...

I've heard that cats can start peeing on things when they're stressed about something or there are major changes in their lifestyle. Maybe she's reacting to your busy work schedules and lack of attention. Although, I'm in agreement with Carolyn, this might be a sign of a more serious medical condition. It can't hurt to take Audrey to the vet.