Wednesday, January 11, 2006

it's official: I was meant to be fat and lazy.

I went to yoga tonight for the first time in a couple months. I know; I know. I keep saying I am going to go regularly, but I don't.

And tonight? Was awful. I do the kind of yoga where you are in a room heated to about 105 degrees. It's an hour and a half class, and I usually don't have much trouble with doing at least most of the postures.

Well, tonight, during only the THIRD pose (so aptly named "awkward pose") I started to feel lightheaded and woosy. I did what I usually do when that happens; I stood there and breathed and took a sip of water. It got worse. I started to black out -- I couldn't see much, and my ears were ringing.

I grabbed my water bottle and ran out of the classroom, and sat on a bench in the cool lobby area. It was then I felt the need to run to the bathroom...and while I was in there, I totally threw up. BLAH. I hate, hate, hate vomiting. It is the most nasty feeling ever.

(I told this to my mom on my way home. I bet you can guess the first words out of her mouth, and no, mom, I'm not pregnant.)

I think it was because I hadn't eaten much all day, and went in without many nutrients in my body. I was able to go back in the room and stay for the remaining hour or so of the class. I even did maybe half of the postures, so I'm pretty proud I didn't wimp out and go home like I initially wanted to after the whole incident in the bathroom.

I'd like to think that I am really good at yoga, or that I'm athletic, or that I'm the type of person who uses phrases like, "On my way home from the gym..." or "While I was running last week..." or things like that. Or, when the yoga instructor says, "Your forehead should be touching your knees right now, and you should be locking your knees out and feeling that stretch all the way down your back," I could, oh, I don't know, actually GET my head ONTO my knees, let alone lock them out and feel the damn stretch. I am always the one who looks all funky and twisty in the mirror next to perfect yoga girl who comes and does double sessions (back-to-back! Can you imagine?) and does every pose as though she's some weird cousin of Gumby, which is to say perfectly and beautifully.

And then there's me: the flabby girl in the back row, whose face is beet red and arms and legs and elbows won't even begin to become a straight line, contrary to what the perky yoga instructor seems to believe.

So as I was lying there on my yoga mat after the puking, I thought that maybe trying to be one of those people is too much for me. Trying to be the beautiful, flexible yoga girl, trying to be the type of person who exercises and actually (gasp!!) enjoys it...that's so not me.

I suppose that I'm just going to have to come to terms with feeling fat and flabby and gross, and accept the fact that maybe I'm not cut out for being athletic.

I don't know whether I'll go back to yoga. I feel really weird about the puking thing and do NOT want it to happen again. But I guess I should just do it and not think about it, and just pray that I don't lose my lunch while trying to do Awkward Pose.


Bree said...

Hey Leen! Sorry you tossed your cookies. But as I was reading your entry I thought that perhaps you are just trying the wrong form of exersice. Perhaps trying some different things till you find something you really enjoy is a good start. And then once you are back in Seattle we can start working out together. I know I always have a good time if I am working out with someone else!

Tiffany said...

Oh gosh! lmao Hey, at least you go! I think it's great and keep up the good work. If it takes a little puking then so be it. Who cares that you aren't Gumby girl?!

Anonymous said...

Hey if your little mommy can workout 3 times a week with 5 guys during her lunch hour then I think you can do a little yoga once in awhile. Bedsides I am sure you are really the "cutest, smartest one in the yoga class" Keep it up and if you keep pucking then when you are Pregnant throwing up won't be anything new

Lissa325i said...

Plain and simple, that class is for the devil!! You just described exactly how i felt on my one and only trip to that class - I can totally relate. Maybe the two of us need to find a new routine (one that does not take place in a torture chamber.) :)