I went to yoga tonight for the first time in a couple months. I know; I know. I keep saying I am going to go regularly, but I don't.
And tonight? Was awful. I do the kind of yoga where you are in a room heated to about 105 degrees. It's an hour and a half class, and I usually don't have much trouble with doing at least most of the postures.
Well, tonight, during only the THIRD pose (so aptly named "awkward pose") I started to feel lightheaded and woosy. I did what I usually do when that happens; I stood there and breathed and took a sip of water. It got worse. I started to black out -- I couldn't see much, and my ears were ringing.
I grabbed my water bottle and ran out of the classroom, and sat on a bench in the cool lobby area. It was then I felt the need to run to the bathroom...and while I was in there, I totally threw up. BLAH. I hate, hate, hate vomiting. It is the most nasty feeling ever.
(I told this to my mom on my way home. I bet you can guess the first words out of her mouth, and no, mom, I'm not pregnant.)
I think it was because I hadn't eaten much all day, and went in without many nutrients in my body. I was able to go back in the room and stay for the remaining hour or so of the class. I even did maybe half of the postures, so I'm pretty proud I didn't wimp out and go home like I initially wanted to after the whole incident in the bathroom.
I'd like to think that I am really good at yoga, or that I'm athletic, or that I'm the type of person who uses phrases like, "On my way home from the gym..." or "While I was running last week..." or things like that. Or, when the yoga instructor says, "Your forehead should be touching your knees right now, and you should be locking your knees out and feeling that stretch all the way down your back," I could, oh, I don't know, actually GET my head ONTO my knees, let alone lock them out and feel the damn stretch. I am always the one who looks all funky and twisty in the mirror next to perfect yoga girl who comes and does double sessions (back-to-back! Can you imagine?) and does every pose as though she's some weird cousin of Gumby, which is to say perfectly and beautifully.
And then there's me: the flabby girl in the back row, whose face is beet red and arms and legs and elbows won't even begin to become a straight line, contrary to what the perky yoga instructor seems to believe.
So as I was lying there on my yoga mat after the puking, I thought that maybe trying to be one of those people is too much for me. Trying to be the beautiful, flexible yoga girl, trying to be the type of person who exercises and actually (gasp!!) enjoys it...that's so not me.
I suppose that I'm just going to have to come to terms with feeling fat and flabby and gross, and accept the fact that maybe I'm not cut out for being athletic.
I don't know whether I'll go back to yoga. I feel really weird about the puking thing and do NOT want it to happen again. But I guess I should just do it and not think about it, and just pray that I don't lose my lunch while trying to do Awkward Pose.