Thursday, April 20, 2006

since when did this happen?

While I was at work today, I made a phone call to the offices of one of the towns I cover. I wanted to make an appointment with a town official, to go over something for a story I want to write for next week's paper.

The phone call was a fiasco, with the substitute secretary telling me that I couldn't make an appointment, that I'd have to call back on Monday morning and hope he could fit me in.

See, I know that the normal secretary would have penciled me in somewhere, even if it was with the caveat that he might have to reschedule. But this lady? Totally didn't care that I have deadlines and stories I need to plan, and just kept saying, "Call back Monday morning."

I ended the call by (stupidly) saying, "Thank you."

And as the reciever hit the cradle (rather angrily, by the way), these words slipped out of my mouth with more vehemence and volume than I expected: "For your LACK OF HELP."

Everyone in not only my office, but the office adjacent to mine, burst out laughing.

My officemate said something to the affect of, "Wow, you've gotten so hardassed since you started working here!"

She's so right. When did it happen that I became the potty-mouthed person I am today, a person who swears way too much? That I became this girl, the one who drinks beer at lunch and then goes home and drinks nearly a whole bottle of wine that very same night? (Yeah, I did that after I wrote that entry. No, it did not feel quite as good as I'd hoped it would. I actually felt really sick. No, I haven't really had much at all to drink since then.)

This job has turned me sour. Dealing with people all the time, trying to do the best I can with the limited resources I have, working insanely long hours with no freaking overtime pay...ugh. I don't want to be a drunken, swearing, mean-behind-people's-backs kind of girl! But I aaaam!

At least I'm almost done; at least there's an out. Some of the qualities I've gained have been good. The assertiveness, the not wanting to take crap from people. But the potty mouth and the drinking? Not so good.

Oh well. I wouldn't trade the experience I've gained at this job for anything, though. I mean, I'm one of the lucky few who has been able to write for a living. It still boggles my mind sometimes! At least now, I know I'm capeable of it, and hopefully when we're back in Seattle, the door will be open for me in terms of writing possiblities, even if I don't do it full-time. Now, if I could just kick that swearing habit...

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