Monday, October 09, 2006

pantyhose = torture (a poem)

These pantyhose suck
They are way, way too tight
I should never have bought
The cheap ones that night

Instead of five dollars
I only spent two
And that was a mistake
Let me tell you

The ones that cost more
(Although they're still bad)
Are so so much better
Than these -- they're making me mad

These hose are all loose
Except in the waist
And there a most horrible
Thing’s taken place

The waistband is tight,
Tight like a vise
It’s cutting into my chub
It’s really not nice

It may sound quite dirty
But it’s not I assure
I want to rip these hose off
Though it’s not too demure

At least then they would not
Be slicing me in twain
With their tight nylon band
They’re driving me insane!

Can we please damn the person
Who made these required?
Or at least make him wear them
And be so miserably attired.


Leah said...

this poem cracked me up! all females have had similar experiences of torture. You failed (out of decency probably) to mention how pantyhose cut into the crotch too - not a place I enjoy going numb from constriction...

I am currently on the lookout for good thick tights because they 1) make me feel like a kid again 2) do not tend to cut into the belly so bad 3) keep my legs warmer.

C said...

I'm LMAO at this! I have ONE pair of pantyhose left over from my old job, and would burn them if I didn't know that I'll be needing them again very soon. Why don't men have to wear the equivalent of pantyhose when they get dressed up?

Kyt said...

You know some damn guy got together with another damn guy and came up with the brillant idea of pantyhoses and high heels 'to make a women more attractive' and our earlier counterparts fell hook, line and sinker for that crap so we all have to be punished.

jean said...

My grandaughter [16yr old] she wears these Horrid thick Black opaque Tights 60 denier or something for school..i dont like tights at the best of times ,so i like nothing better than to take her Thick Black Tights and use them for floor cleaning rags.

Anonymous said...

You'll be happy to know I am a corporate guy who has to wear pantyhose for 30 days to work under my pants on a lost bet