Friday, January 26, 2007

I'll probably regret this.

Brett was fired from his job today. The exact words weren't the now archetypal "You're fired," but instead, the extremely unprofessional and abusive, "Get the fuck out of my office and don't come back."

My heart is breaking for him. He wants to work and to help support us and to provide for me so much. Why is this so hard? Why hasn't he been able to get a job? Why?

I don't understand. And we are both so tired of this roller coaster of emotions and this financial pit of despair that we both feel like giving up.

There are only so many times I can tell him that it will be ok (to have it turn out horribly, horribly wrong), trying to convince us both that it will be ok. It's starting to ring really hollow.

I am trying to hold on to the promises of God, that he will provide, that Brett will get a job in God's time, etc, etc, etc. And I get that when God allows us to suffer it's usually for a reason. But, can I just say, "Um, God? Please? Please just give Brett a good job? We're tired, and I don't think we can do this anymore."

I don't know what else to say. I'm just so heartsick over all of it. Brett is smart, hard working, capable, loving, and kind. He doesn't deserve this.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

no time!

I just got home from a very long day...I will give you my favorite sound tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Favorite Things #3 -- Touch

Ok, I mean this in a (mostly) innocent way, if you get my drift. But my absolutely favorite touch is snuggling with my husband, Brett.


Before we were dating (back in the days before I had a boyfriend) (yes, Brett is the first -- and only -- guy I've ever been with) ... anyway, before we were dating, I would lie in bed at night and in my fantasy-filled high school mind, imagine what it would be like to snuggle with a man. I thought of how cozy it would be, how secure it would feel.

I didn't know the half of it.

Snuggling with Brett is the best feeling in the entire world. I feel warm, safe, loved, connected to this other person, my best friend, my husband. He's soft, and warm, and sweet, and furry.

Sometimes, we have snuggle weekends -- we will clear our schedule, and buy all kinds of junk food and rent tons of movies, and then we'll just spend the whole weekend with each other, snuggling and eating and watching movies in bed. It sounds boring to some, I'm sure, but to me, it is the best thing ever.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Favorite Things #2: Taste

I have many, many favorite tastes, for I like food -- a lot. Indian food, Thai food, Italian food, anything potato-related...mmm. Count. Me. In. Food? Is gooood.

But I have to say that I think my favorite taste in the world is a genuine French pain au chocolat.

In France, these tasty, buttery, slightly salty treats, filled with dark, bitter chocolate, usually cost less than a Euro. Less than a Euro!!! Here in the US, to get a good pain au chocolat, it's around $3, unfortunately.

I have extremely fond memories of eating multiple pain au chocolats per day while I was in France this summer. They are so tasty, and so good. I hope I live in France someday, if for no other reason than to be able to eat a freshly-made pain au chocolat every single day.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Favorite Things #1: Smell

My favorite smell is definitely lilacs.

I never thought much of lilacs before my 18th birthday. That year, however, my now-husband Brett gave me my first birthday present from him: a bouquet of lilacs from his mom's lilac bush, the bush that still grows right outside his childhood bedroom window.

No guy had never given me flowers before. I was so touched; they were so delicate and beautiful and they smlled so incredible. We had only had our first date five days before, so it was the perfect gift -- sweet, and sentimental, without going overboard.

Lilacs have since become a symbol of that time in our relationship: every time the lilacs bloom I am reminded of that season of our relationship, when everything was new.

I wanted to use them in our wedding, but unfortunately, they were neither in season nor practical: apparently they do not survive long out of water, and besides that, they are extremely expensive. I compromised and had freesia, roses, and hydrangeas instead -- the freesia smelled lovely, somewhat similar to lilacs, the roses were beautiful and full and creamy, and the hydrangeas were kind of lilac-like...purpley-blue, with lots of little flowers.

I simply can't smell lilacs and stay in a bad mood. As crazy and weird as this sounds, I swear I can feel my brain firing better after I smell them. It's like all the bad stuff is flushed out and replaced with the delicate scent of lilacs.

Someday, when we have a house, I hope we can plant lilac bushes all over our yard, so that in the spring, I can smell them for as long as possible.

These are a few of my favorite things...

I was able to spend a few wonderful hours with my good friend Bree on Saturday. While we were hanging out (which was always fun, especially when guacamole, sock monkeys, and Yahtzee Turbo are involved), she happened to mention that she was going to be taking this week to talk about her favorite things on her blog -- one for each day.

So, I'm taking the "Bree Favorite Things Blog Posting Challenge" and am going to participate. Like Bree, I'm going to get a little creative and post one favorite thing from each of the five senses. A favorite smell to follow soon!

Friday, January 05, 2007

open letter (to a new set of neighbors!)

Dear Upstairs Neighbors (incarnation number three since we moved in the first of June, counting the grumpy old people and the really really loud people with three kids),

I'm sick. And your techno-Gordito's-music (translation: [disclaimer: in no way do I mean this to be racist] loud, bass-driven Latin-style music, seemingly with a techno twist) is really bugging me.

I am sure that we are, from time to time, louder than you'd like us to be (which is not hard to do in this building whose ceilings/floors seem to be made of porous tissue paper), but I just can't really deal with your music and loudness right now. I feel like crap on toast (I seem to have caught that cold that has been going around) and all I really want to do is snuggle in and sleep. And maybe watch a movie. That's all. I don't want to listen to your techno-Gordito's-music. I just. Want. Some. Quiet. Thankyouverymuch.

Sincerely,

Your downstairs neighbor who hears everything but really wishes she didn't but then chastises herself because almost anything is better than having three kids living upstairs

{Sidenote: I realize that this post is very similar to one I made a little over a year ago, when I was sick and wanted quiet but my landlord chose that day to work on my house. It's weird how things like this seem to play out over and over again in my life. Or maybe I'm just a complainer.}