Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Four Years

Dear Brett,

It's hard for me to believe we have been married for four years already. It seems like our wedding day was just yesterday, and yet at the same time, it's hard for me to imagine a time when we weren't married and I didn't get to spend my days and nights with you.

I think back to that wonderful day and only remember snippets. The sense of anticipation and excitement I felt all day long, the joy I felt at seeing you at the end of the aisle, the feeling that our lives were just beginning and we were on the cusp of something great. Taking photos outside of the ballroom as people honked going by. Dancing with you (and then, not dancing). And my favorite part, the limo ride to the hotel, where we got to actually talk for the first time in days and recap the wedding and the preceding week.

The past four years have been a mix of really difficult times and really great times. As hard as it was to live in Maine -- hard on our relationship, our finances, etc -- I am glad we did it. Looking back, I know that we are stronger for it. And now, being home in Seattle is such a joy. Going on walks together, eating good food, enjoying this city with you is something I love to experience.

In a lot of ways, the past year has been the hardest year, and also one of the best, since it's caused me to feel closer to you than I have in probably our entire eight-year relationship.

Being married to you is sometimes wonderful, sometimes frustrating, but overall it's a fantastic blessing. I am so thankful that I have you in my life. Thank you for loving me and for taking care of me. You're the best. I am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives with anticipation and fear, but with the knowledge that we can do it together.

Happy Anniversary, my bear. I love you.


Monday, July 23, 2007

updates and big news

I know, I know, I've really been MIA this time. I'm sorry. I think this might be one of my longest hiatuses (hiati? I have no idea.), and I do apologize. I have a good reason, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First, an update on my sister. She is doing better, finally. It's been a long two months for her, but in the past two weeks, she's FINALLY been able to get out of the house a bit. They're ramping back her pain meds, and she's even considering starting back to work for one or two four-hour shifts in the next couple of weeks. Hooray! This is a huge blessing considering that since I last posted, things got a little better, then a lot worse (with her back in the hospital) and now, finally better again. We're really thankful she's doing better.

We're gearing up for Brett's sister Amy's wedding this weekend. Yahoo! Very exciting. This is much-anticipated, as Amy has been dating her fiancé Seth for almost five years. They make a great couple and I am so very excited for them. We leave on Wednesday night to head to Portland and join in the wedding festivities. I can't wait!

And now, the big update, and the reason I haven't really been posting much: I'm 14 weeks pregnant, due January 18.

I've been really, really sick, like puking-all-day-OMG-I'm-going-to-die-I-can't-even-get-out-of-bed-let-alone-update-my-blog sick. Thankfully, that seems to have abated somewhat in the past couple of weeks, since I've hit the second trimester, (although I did throw up for the first time in two weeks this morning, ruining my longest no-puking streak to date) but it doesn't mean I am not still exhausted and drained all. the. time.

At first, I wanted to tell everyone as soon as we found out, but Brett convinced me to wait, and now I'm so glad he did. Having the time of just the two of us knowing was really good, I think. It gave us time to absorb what was happening, to get past that 9w3d mark (which is when I miscarried last time), and to feel a little more confident before we started telling everyone.

We told our families about a month ago, which was really fun. I pasted copies of the ultrasound photo on a pretty card and wrote, "Coming January 18, 2008" on the top. They are all very, very excited. Brett's sisters win for the best reaction: they started screaming and jumping up and down and hugging me. It was great.

I wound up telling at work much sooner than I would have liked, simply because I was so sick that I couldn't come up with any more viable excuses about why I was missing work yet again. The cat keeps coming further and further out of the bag in terms of who knows, and after Amy's wedding this weekend, I expect it to be fully out of the bag. (My bridesmaid dress makes me look nice and pregnant -- not fat!)

Having so many people know is exciting but also a bit scary for me. Every time we tell someone else, the thought flashes through my mind, "Just one more person to tell if something goes wrong."

I try to push those thoughts aside and focus on the good:

  • We had a fantastic ultrasound at 7 weeks, with everything measuring right on target
  • We heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks
  • I'm really, really, really sick

Well, whether that last one is good or not is debatable, I guess, but at any rate, it is reassuring. As a measure of how sick I've been, I offer this evidence: between our first appointment at 7 weeks and the second one at 12 weeks, I lost almost 8 pounds, none of which I've gained back in the two weeks since my last appointment. Yeah. Yikes. This coming from me, who has not been able to lose any weight in about 2 years. (I don't recommend this diet plan, by the way. It works, but boy, it's not fun.)

So, that's about it. Our lives these days are kind of slow-paced. I don't have the energy to do a whole lot (much to Brett's dismay), but that's just how it is. I did have a burst of energy on Saturday, which prompted me to clean the whole house (it took an embarrassingly long time, considering how small our apartment is), walk a mile each way to the store, make a big dinner, and make a cake for dessert. I paid for all that expended energy yesterday, though, when I was so tired and sore I could barely move. I think that overdoing it Saturday also has some bearing on my broken puke-free streak today, too.

I'm just hoping that I get another burst of energy to get me through this weekend of wedding excitement. If I had to pick one week in my pregnancy that I want to feel good, this is it. I really want to be able to enjoy every minute of it. We shall see...hopefully I'm lucky.

Anyway, if I'm not too comatose after the wedding, I'll try to post again then, with photos and updates. I am really very excited for this weekend and all that it entails: seeing family and friends we haven't seen since our own wedding, spending time with Brett's sisters, and getting to share in Seth and Amy's special day. I can't wait!