Thursday, December 20, 2007

pardon me while I freak the heck out

We had another ultrasound tonight.

I'll be 36 weeks tomorrow. That means I still have four weeks until my due date.

And the baby? Is measuring a whopping EIGHT pounds, 10 ounces. That's bigger than the average baby is at a full-term birth.

Hold me.

I am seriously starting to freak out a little. I was totally fine up until today. A little nervous about how things would work out, sure, but overall, not too worried, just trusting that God is in control and this baby will be born in his time and by the method that he has ordained.

But now, I'm not having such an easy time with that.

Part of me thinks, "Oh Lord, just let me go into labor ASAP so the baby doesn't get any bigger and I can do this vaginally and avoid a c-section!" [Holy crap, I just wrote vaginally on my blog. And my entire extended family as well as some male co-workers read this. *waving* Hi there, guys! Sorry! Had to use the v-word! Can't promise it won't happen again, but at least now you've been warned! Now back to your regularly-scheduled, probably-still-TMI blogging!]

And then a second part of me thinks, "OMG, what am I THINKING!? I can't go into labor ASAP! I have so much to wrap up at work! I need at least another week and a half if not longer!"

And then the first part replies, "Do you really want to wait another week and a half? That's ten more days to get through, ten days of back pain and exhaustion and grumpiness and heartburn and cramps and nausea and your hips not working!"

And then the second part of me says, "Heck yes, I want to wait that long! I don't want my baby to be born on Christmas and be doomed to a life of anti-climactic birthday celebrations! Plus my mom is going to be out of town, and I neeeed her here to help me after the birth! And besides, I need for the baby to be born after January 1st so I can use my 2008 flexible spending election to help pay the hospital costs!"

The the first part comes back with something like, "JANUARY 1!? Are you on crack? That's almost TWO full weeks of back pain and exhaustion and grumpiness and heartburn and cramps and nausea and non-functioning hips!"

Then a third part chimes in: "You both need to shut up! What if I actually go all the way to my due date?! Oh, God, I can't imagine how uncomfortable I will be in four more weeks, not to mention the fact that the baby will probably weigh 12 pounds! All this talk of going early just has to stop, in case I don't go early and really do have four more weeks to get through!"

Then a fourth side says, "Shut UP already, you guys! The baby will come out one way or another, so stop freaking out. It's after the birth we should be worrying about, because then, I'm going to be a parent. ME. A PARENT. What was I thinking?! How in the world am I going to handle this?!"

Then I just throw up my hands and try to stop thinking about it, period, lest I start crying.

Anyway. Yeah. The u/s tech did get some good pictures of the baby's face, so I'll try to post those tomorrow. No promises, though -- work is going to be crazy so I hope I have time to scan them in. He/She has enormous chipmunk cheeks, really full pouty lips, and a cute little nose. *grin* So much fun.

I'm sure I'll be talking with my doctor tomorrow about the ultrasound. At my last appointment, I wasn't dilated at all, although the baby was low and I was starting to efface. My next appointment is next Wednesday, but she'll probably want to talk just in case before the holiday and the long weekend, I would think.

I'll keep you all posted as much as I can. Right now, though, it's late and I really need to go to bed. Carrying around an eight-and-a-half pound baby all day is hard work!

4 comments:

Isabel said...

Wow....that is one big baby.

We will continue to pray for you and your little family. Best of luck.

Merry Christmas!

Katy said...

Whoa nelly girlfriend! Whew..I can see how you would be freaking out..but maybe the baby was measuring big...you know those u/s measurements can be off. Fingers crossed that everything works out perfectly for you!
Katy (peaches)

Kris said...

((HUGS))

Let's just hope the u/s tech is wrong. I mean it's possible. They told me Ryan was big (almost 7 lbs) at 36 weeks and that I was no where ready to deliver. Ha! He was wrong. He came early and was only 7 lbs 11 oz.

There is hope. God can work miracles!

We're praying for you.

And Kathleen, you're going to make a wonderful mother. You muddle through the first few weeks. You make up your own parenting style or copy someone else's or both in some cases.

You'll be fine. Promise.

Rachel said...

Your baby will arrive when he or she is ready, and no matter if you get everything done or not, you will be ready.

My son came the week that the doctor told me there was no way he was coming that week. I didn't have everything done, and it hasn't bothered me one bit.

Good luck!