My mind is going in about four different directions as I try to figure out how to start this post and what to include in it -- updates about my last doctor's appointment, our weekend so far, a to-do list update, and how I'm feeling. I'm not sure where to go first. I guess it doesn't really matter...I'll just go in that order.
I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday of this week. We talked again about the ultrasound results, she did an internal exam (still closed and not effaced at all -- which, at this point, is a good thing), and said that I'm still measuring ahead as far as fundal height is concerned.
My next appointment with her is on 12/19. She'll check me again then, and see where things are. She had me make another ultrasound appointment for 12/20. She wants Brett to come in to the appointment after that, on the 26th, so we can go over the ultrasound results and try to figure out a plan.
I've already decided that if I don't go into labor naturally by about New Year's, I'm going to try acupuncture, walking, spicy food, etc, especially if the doctor starts really seriously talking about doing a c-section instead of waiting for natural labor to start.
But what I really hope is that I go early on my own and don't have to resort to any extraneous methods.
And now, because I am lazy and don't want to come up with a subtle transition, on to the next topic on my list.
For months now, we've been talking about going out of town before the baby is born. But every time we pick a weekend, something happens and we wind up not being able to go: we wind up having to go to Portland, our families want to come here, the whole barista competition, etc...
This weekend was basically our last chance to get away. And yes, here I sit, making a blog post from home. Clearly, we didn't make it anywhere.
Early in this week, we talked about it and decided we are both too exhausted to travel right now. I'm just starting to feel better after my cold, and we've only had one weekend at home together to relax and get things done since probably about early September. (Neither of us can actually remember when the last time was.)
Instead, we decided to make yesterday a vacation day here in town. We got up, and walked to the coffee shop near our hou se and got breakfast and sat and read for a while. Then, we rode the bus downtown and walked around Pike Place, with a stop at Le Panier, the French bakery for some treats.
After that, we went and got massages at my favorite spa, which was amazing. We both felt great afterward! Then we went to Zoka and had coffee and read some more, while we killed time before our dinner reservation.
That was the only low point in our day -- when we got to the restaurant, there was a sign on the door that they were closed for the evening due to a water main problem. SAD! We were pretty bummed; we'd both been looking forward to dinner there all day. But we quickly got over that and went to another restaurant nearby that we like and had a very yummy dinner anyway.
Overall, it was a fantastic, relaxing day, and we both had a great time just hanging out with each other.
And here is a natural segue into the next topic. Today we've spent getting organized, cleaning, doing laundry, etc.
I've gotten the co-sleeper set up (the sheet is in the washer now; that's the only thing left to install -- well, except for the hooking it to the bed part, which I think we may wait a while to do, because I don't want to have to climb around it indefinitely), the drawers and cabinets in the baby's room more organized, a pile of baby things together to wash throughout the week, and the Bundle Me installed in the car seat. I've started setting things aside for the hospital bag, and have been getting the breast pump items organized, too. (Except I totally need a lesson in how the heck it works. I tried to figure it out today and I have no clue. I'm going to be using my sister's Pump-in-Style...and of course, she doesn't have the manual anymore, and I have no clue how it's supposed to work.)
It feels good to be making progress. I guess I'm just terrified I'll go into labor and have none of that stuff done, and have to pack my hospital bag while I'm having contractions, and have to come home to an un-organized house -- or at least a house that isn't organized how I want it to be. Perhaps I'm nesting? I don't know. I just know that I'll feel a lot better when the clothes are washed, the bag is all packed, and everything is ready to go.
I've been feeling much more tired of being pregnant during the past week or so. Maybe it's partly the power of suggestion, with my doctor telling me I'm measuring at term and that I probably feel now how most women feel when they are, well, at term. And maybe it's also just partly the fact that I am really big and unweildy and my belly is ginormous and my body is reaching the end of its ability to support all the extra weight.
I've had two (almost three; I managed to stop the tears in time this morning) crying meltdowns this week simply because I feel exhausted and I hurt and I'm never comfortable (sitting, standing, or lying in bed -- nothing is comfortable anymore) and I can't sleep and just putting on my shoes or drying off after a shower or getting dressed is a huge ordeal that takes about four times as long as it normally would.
I know it's only temporary, and that within a few weeks (I hope) I will at least sort of have my body back. But if I'm feeling this, shall we say, ready to be done now, I can't help but ask myself these questions: What if I don't go into labor early? What if I really wind up going another six (or, God forbid, eight) more weeks?
It's just not something I can think about at this point, or I might start crying again. (I'm only half-joking there...)
I'm trying very hard to trust God and trust that he will make this baby come in the time that is right and in the method that he has ordained...but it's getting really difficult. I've been praying a lot lately. I'm getting to the point where I think the only way I'll be able to get through the next weeks is with a lot of prayer. Because I already have a feeling that if I trust in my own strength alone, I'll be begging for a c-section as soon as they'll let me have one, just because I'm ready to be done being pregnant.
Ok, I need to go brush my teeth and get ready to go out for dinner and go to church. Yikes! I have to hurry! We have to leave for the bus in 15 minutes, and these days, it will probably take me that long to get upstairs, brush my teeth, get on my shoes, and find my coat.