So, I mentioned in my last post about how everyone and their mom (literally, everyone and their mom; I'm not just saying that as a figure of speech) is telling me to take it easy these days.
Here's my confession: I have no clue what "taking it easy" should look like.
Sure, I'm only working 20 hours a week. That's a start. But even when I'm at work, everyone -- including my boss -- is telling me to take it easy. It's a simple thing to say...but it's a hard thing to do. I don't want to neglect my work duties in the name of "taking it easy" but I don't want to overdo it, either. I'm not sure how to find that balance.
And that lack of balance is bleeding over into every area of my life, really: housework, caring for Elanor, etc, etc, etc.
I'm not really sure how to take it easy. I've always been a go-go-go kind of person. I struggle to let go of things like my floors being filthy (which they are) and the bathroom being a mess (which it is) and dirty dishes piling in the sink (which they aren't, only because I spent 30 minutes doing them last night -- probably not in line with "taking it easy") and laundry -- both clean and dirty -- piling up (which it is; our bedroom and Elanor's room both look like the closet and dressers exploded).
I know, I know -- in the grand scheme of life it doesn't matter if my floors are dirty or if the bathroom is clean or if the dishes are done or if the clothes are put away. I know. I am here, I am alive, that is what matters.
But what if I feel better, less anxious, less stressed, more able to relax if all of those things are done?
It doesn't seem fair to put this burden onto Brett or his sister Rachel when they don't care about those things as much as I do. So then I feel obligated to do them myself because I'm the one who cares if they're done or not. And then afterward I feel guilty, because clearly I'm not "taking it easy" if I'm cleaning the bathroom or doing all the dishes or doing the five loads of laundry that need to be done.
If I were still working full-time, I'd just say we'd hire a cleaning service and be happy with that compromise, but now that I'm working part-time, we're on an austerity budget for the foreseeable future, so that's out of the question.
Do any of you have any ideas? Do I just need to unclench and let it go if my floors are dirty or the bathroom needs a good scrub or the dishes are undone or our clothes are piled everywhere? Or do I need to humble myself and ask for help with this stuff, from Brett and Rachel and even from other friends?
What should taking it easy look like? And how can I get over my guilt at not doing what I feel like I should be doing, whether at home with regard to Elanor or Brett or the house, and also at work?
I don't expect anyone to have the answers to my questions, but if you have any ideas or insight, I'd appreciate hearing them.